35! Ooops 34 actually!!!!
Nobody told me 35 hurts this much. Well, technically, it’s 34! Everywhere hurtssssss! My back, my neck, my everywhere!!! Lol, well, my bed rotting contributed to this pain! I have the body of a 90-year-old, and five minutes ago I walked out of a store that sells dumbbells because they told me it costs 10 dollars! I told them maybe next time. I promise I spent more than that on food yesterday. A girl has to eat!!!
When I think of the mess I call my life, I give myself kindness. Because what else can I do? Be my own bully? I don’t even wanna talk about my traumas and why I’m the way I am. Stuck, unable to change my habits or live a much healthier life. All this English, in one sentence: I do not know how to love myself. Plus hormones!!! Because tell me why the good morning text I sent to my best friend today started with, “What if I take the next flight ticket to Rwanda?” She wouldn’t stop laughing, and I read the message again and burst out laughing too! “Bloody Hormones!!!” My life might be a mess, but I am sitting in another at this moment.
For the past two hours, I have sat on this concrete floor in front of a closed shop at Bright Line. In fact, the entire line of shops is closed. But further in the middle, all the owners gathered for their quarterly meeting. I didn’t even shower today! Baggy jeans, crossbody bag, messy hair. I waited. I should have been here yesterday, but my neurodivergence, procrastination, plus depression brought me here today instead. The deadline is tomorrow, and I can’t fail my Royalty and Valerie! They need pantyhose to dance ballet, and even though I deliver last minute, I always make it work. So I will sit here till night if I have to For my girls to have their costume.
The problem is these people have no sense of urgency. At first, they deliberated like normal adults. Next thing, they were yelling! I think it’s about fines. One of the store owners missed a meeting, and the rule is that you have to pay a fine. She claims her mom was ill and she was running around, so she couldn’t inform anyone.
Quite interesting middle-aged individuals, I must say. But I caught someone striking. Middle aged woman with no care in the world. She stood, full of energy in her shorts. Nahhh, it’s a jumpsuit! A jean jumpsuit with a waist belt made of chains, not to actually hold the waist but for style. Didn’t even realize when I said “ooooh” out loud, because wow!!! confidence!!! Her Stomach not flat? She didn’t care! Everyone dressed in moderate fashion with market cloth bags on their waist but she stood out. I could see her thighs! It’s not everyday you see the thigh of a maybe 50 year old or less but I am here for it!!! Her shades, earrings are matching teal, even the shoes teal, but it’s not even flat! high-heeled wedges with a wooden platform, the type they wore in the 90s. when everyone, myself included either had slides or crocs on. Her makeup was bold too, and she struts!!oooh what a sight!!!
It’s supposed to be a unity meeting but I think this one unity mixed with chaos. The chairman is fighting for autonomy. The people who don’t want to pay the fine are playing the emotional blackmail card. For some reason, the chairman is buying the card and asking everyone to be okay with it. It felt weird, like he was standing up for his girl, but whatever. Just when I was hoping it was over, some guy objected, and the entire chaos started all over again. At least I’m being entertained! Shit!! I’m in shit!!! deep shit!!!